How to be A Football Expert

Anybody can become a football analyst. Really.

Besides the ability to state the obvious (after the game), all you need to do is to rehash all the hackneyed cliches below in your tabloid’s football column and you’d never fail to sound like an expert. 

Eg:

1. When a strong team dominates but fail to score: “They fail to take their chances.” or the more elegant “They are wasteful in front of goal.”

2. When a weaker team is being dominated but manage to score: “They took their chance well.”

3a. When a team beat another team (equal in strength): “The manager’s tactics were spot on.”

3b. …for the losing side: “The manager got his tactics all wrong.”

4a. When it is a 0-0 draw, for the weak team: “It was great defensive play.” and usually follows by “The manager’s tactics were spot on.”

4b… for the stronger team: See No 1.

5. When a substitute comes on and scores: “It was a brilliant substitution by the manager.”

6. When a susbstitute comes on and fails to change the result: “It was a desperate substitution by the manager.”

7. When a team scores a last min goal: “They had the never-say-die attitude.”

8a. When a manager is doing well: “He is a master tactician.”

8b …. when (the same manager) is not doing so well: “Sack him!” 

9. When a manager thrash-talks and win: “He is a master of pyschological games.”

10. When a manager thrash-talks and loses: “He has lost the plot.”

It sure beats saying:

1. When a strong team dominates but fails to score: “They were UNLUCKY”

2. When a weaker team  is being dominated but manage to score: “They were plain LUCKY.”

3a. When a team beat another team (equal in strength): “They were LUCKY.”

3b. …for the losing side: “They were UNLUCKY.”

4a. When it is a 0-0 draw, for the weak team: “They were LUCKY.”

4b… for the stronger team: “They were UNLUCKY.”

5. When a substitute comes on and scores: “He was LUCKY.”

6. When a susbstitute comes on and fails to change the result: “He was not THAT LUCKY.”

7. When a team scores a last min goal: “They were LUCKY”

8a When a manager is doing well: “He is LUCKY.”

8b …. when (the same manager) is not doing so well: “He is UNLUCKY.” 

9. When a manager thrash-talks and win: “He was LUCKY.”

10. When a manager thrash-talks and loses: “He was UNLUCKY.”

Not that smart…

What would you say of this?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s